My Tattoo

While some people may not agree with the idea of permanently inking up a part of your body, I found every justification in getting this tattoo because of its deep, spiritual significance to me and what it reminds me of every time I look at it.

There are people who have been in my life over the years who have helped me become who I am today.  They have made sacrifices to help me get to where I am right now and I owe each of them an enormous debt of gratitude and thanks.  I believe you don’t have to regret your past if you’ve learned from your experiences and mistakes, especially if you like who you are (or at least like who you are trying to become). 

Life-changing friends are a rare commodity in this world, but I’ve managed to find a few of them:

• F.B. – My childhood friend who has been more like a brother to me—he kept me in this life when I thought I had nothing left worth hanging on for, and I believed there was no reason to fight to survive.  Thank you for giving me the strength to hold on.

• K.E. – You were my first love.  Thank you for teaching me how to love someone more than I love myself.  Thank you for showing me that there were still safe places left for me in this world.

• D.M. – Someone who always tells me exactly what I need to hear, when I need to hear it, no matter what.  A true friend.

• C.P. – Thank you for teaching me to not be afraid to want something more out of life and to reach for my dreams.

• A.G. – He was there for me the night I was betrayed by the one person I should have been able to trust the most.  I can never thank you enough for helping me through that.

• C.B. – Thank you for helping me find my faith again and showing me that it’s okay to believe in something you don’t completely understand.

• R.N. – You helped me through some of the hardest times in my life yet, and I’m forever in your debt for that.  Thank you for reminding me of what’s important in life, and reminding me of the purpose and meaning behind everything.

I believe that Guardian Angels are sometimes disguised as friends, but I also believe those who have passed on before us like to check in from time to time to make sure we’re doing okay too.

• G.V. – Thanks for looking out for me while you were here, and now watching out for me from Heaven.  Even if I don’t always make you proud, I’m trying.

• A.V. – I’ve always been fond of our special connection and I’m glad you’re my name-sake.  I don’t think that was a coincidence.

• D.D. and J.B. – Thank you for making sense of my life when I was hopeless and had nowhere else to turn.

• K.E. – I think we knew each other before this life and I believe we’ll know each other again when this life is over.

• F.B. – You’ve been a part of my life in so many ways and you protected me from everything bad in this world before I was brave enough to protect myself.  It’s strange, but I hope in some small way that I came to play the same role in your life later on when you had your own demons to face.

• T.R. – Thank you for always making me laugh.  No matter how rough things get, you can always bring a smile to my face and make me forget my troubles for a while.

Thank you to all of you for being there for me when I needed you the most, even if your part in my life seemed small or insignificant, you made a huge difference to me and influenced who I am today, right now, so thanks again.  You’ve all meant so much to me.

The future of my life is mine and my responsibility alone.  It’s my path and I get to make the choice of which direction I go from here.  Even if I make mistakes along the way, the important thing is to learn from it and get back on track.  I feel like I owe it to the people listed above to make the most out of my life, and to make it matter in some small way.  Even if I could never repay the debts I owe them, perhaps I can pay it forward, if nothing else.

Those are the people and the things I think of and remember every time I see my tattoo.  If you have a problem with my choice, that’s fine.  I’ll never be sorry I have a constant remembrance of the most significant people in my life and what they’ve meant to me, along with the purpose and meaning behind everything that happens, good and bad.  Even if these people come and go from my life, I’ll always have that memory of what they’ve done for me, and I’ll always be grateful for that.

Safe At Last

I awake to find myself in an empty room.

Wait, no, it’s not empty. There’s a bed, and there’s me,

And there’s him—the steady rise and fall of his chest,

His slow, even breaths brush softly against my face.

Pulling closer, I wrap my arm tight around him,

Like that hug will keep this night from never ending.

Still asleep, he moves his arm over my shoulder,

Running his fingers so softly over my skin.

I breathe a sigh of relief, knowing I’m safe here,

Lying in this dark-filled room so close to my friend.

“I’m always safe when I’m with you,” I say gently.

He hugs me tightly, but I know he’s still sleeping. 

I close my eyes against the deepening darkness

Surrounding me, except for right here, in this bed,

Next to my friend, I am safe at last—finally.

Jenny Kissed Me

Jenny Kissed Me
 

Jenny kiss'd me when we met,
  Jumping from the chair she sat in;
Time, you thief, who love to get
  Sweets into your list, put that in!
Say I'm weary, say I'm sad,
  Say that health and wealth have miss'd me,
Say I'm growing old, but add,
  Jenny kiss'd me.

-- James Leigh Hunt

Electrocution

Burning.
Tingling.
Itching.
Searing.
Biting.
Crying.
Dying.
Numb.
Every moment
New pain begins,
Fresh and alive
You're still here,
Always feeling
The stinging pain
Moving
Systematically
Through your body.
Muscles contract,
Aching
In resentment.
Let go.
Just let go.
I can't.
I'm not connected.
There's nothing
To let go of.
There was nothing
Holding me
To this pain
In the first place.
Just  me.
And my mind.

Jennifer Broadbent
July 31, 2011