I started this post exactly one year after the day my time card almost got punched for the very last time. I almost lost my life on July 7, 2011. One year later in 2012, I was pregnant with my son, and I was a bit overwhelmed with shock and awe at how drastically my life had changed in just one year (which is why I didn't finish this post at the time). I had been given one more year, and I was thankful for ALL of it. I was thankful for every good, bad, and even the ugly experiences, every horrible day, every impossible night, every moment of physical and emotional pain, and I was even thankful for the trauma.
Despite all that ugly stuff that happened in my one year, I was so thankful to just have had that time at all, because it almost never happened.
What would happen if someone just erased the last year of your life? Snuffed out the flame of your life's candle one year ago? How different were you back then? What experiences would you have missed out on? What would you regret losing the most?
I am so thankful for the gift of motherhood, and the privilege to be raising this amazing kid. One year after my life almost ended, I distinctly remember the overwhelming gratitude that something I had always wanted--to be a mother--was one of the many gifts I was finally going to receive.
Nothing could ever replace my son, and no amount of money or goods would be worth it to give him up. Honestly, I would do it all again--every pain-filled, terrifying, and tragic thing that happened in the time leading up to and shortly after giving birth to my son. I would re-live every ugly moment of it if that was the price to pay for being his mother.
And to think, I almost didn't have this wonderful blessing in my life. To think sometimes that I might have died months before my son was even conceived, it brings tears to my eyes. Tears of sadness at the thought of never knowing this sweet little soul here on earth. Tears of the sorrow that would have been mine if I had missed the opportunity to be a mother in this life. Tears of joy that I LIVED and that I have the blessing to raise my son and spend this time with him, watching him grow and learn and explore the world, experiencing so many things for the first time. Those are the tears of joy, that I can hug my little boy and give him kisses on the head and high-fives and knuckles and tickle him until he laughs so hard that he throws up (oops...). Those are the moments I am most thankful for in the time I have been blessed with since that fateful day in July three and a half years ago.
I remind myself often that every day I have been blessed with since that time is a true gift. Priceless beyond measure. I'll say to myself, "Make the most of your day, because you never know when it might be your last."
So, make the most of what you have right now. Learn from the past. Live for today. Hope for tomorrow, and pray you will be blessed with many more tomorrows.
I'm thankful for being blessed with one more year.
