Written on April 11, 2004

It is time.
Time to go--don't look back.
It will only hurt more. Don't look back.
But what regrets will come with me?
A lifetime of regrets, sorrow, and more.
If only it could have waited a little longer...
Maybe I could fix just a few more things.
I wish I could have...
No. Stop it. Don't think about that now.
It's too late for you.
There's no stopping it.
The voice tells me I'm going
Whether I'm ready or not.
I think I knew that already.
You can't play me for a fool.
I know what you're doing.
Look at all that light,
They're smiling through those tears you see.
They're glad to see you go, that's all.
Liar. I don't believe you.
Just leave me alone.
Ah, but I can't, you see.
We have to make this journey together.
Don't talk to me anymore.
You're upsetting me when I'm trying to be happy.
But that would be a long, lonely trip if I were silent.
Shut up.
Very well. We could have been such good friends, you and I.
I don't think so.
But we're so alike.
No we're not.
That's where you're wrong.
I know you better than anyone else.
I paused.
He laughed.
Yes, I can see you're thinking now.
You know I'm right.
I'm always right.
I say to myself, it is time, but I'm not ready yet.
Please.
He snickers. Like that will save you now.
No. Just don't say it. Leave me be.
Why... I'm surprised.
You don't enjoy my company?
No. Now get away from me.
He slid closer. That's no way to speak to an old friend.
Friend?
Yes, we've been old friends for years, haven't we.
It wasn't really a question.
I could feel his grip getting tighter and tighter.
Let go. NOW. I commanded.
He squeezed a little harder.
You can't do anything without me.
You're crazy.
No, he laughed. YOU'RE the crazy one, remember?
I stopped and scowled and bit my lip.
See? You know I'm always right.
I'm not crazy.
Tell yourself whatever you need to to sleep at night.
You're...
He cut me off.
I'm everything you ever hoped and feared.
That's why I make such a good friend.
It's supposed to be this way you know.
No. I don't believe you. I'm not going with you.
I'm afraid you have no choice.